The Cryptic Journey

Blue Lagooon

For a week,  I have been surrounded by thirty-five wayward people. We have no water or food while we are locked in this cryptic shipping container. Absolutely nowhere private to relieve ourselves. Several girls my age cried the first two days.

It is quiet now except for the two toddlers. Two women on the boat have become their surrogate mothers.

I am relieved when we dock. I didn’t know how much longer it would be before we dehydrate.  Some are already lethargic.

I last seen Mr. Palmer when he auctioned me off at port with the others.

I am the first one to ascend out of the container. On deck, two dubious looking men strip me down. They proceed to shove me across the ship. I watch their eyes linger on me. The one with the scruffy beard hoses me down. It is the first bath I have had since the abduction.

After the mortifying experience, they hand me a flowered dress and propel me onto the Blue Lagoon Beach.

175 words


If you would like to read the first part of this story, I’ve Been Watching You, click here.

If you would like to take part in this FFfAW picture prompt, click here.


The story is fiction, but this scenario happens to men, women, boys and girls every day.

© 2015 All Rights Reserved @Silverstein Potter and Other Fictitious Ramblings

24 thoughts on “The Cryptic Journey

  1. This is very good and kept my attention the entire time. The ending left me feeling she (and the others) had been kidnapped to be sex slaves (maybe because that is a huge problem these days). Excellent story!! I loved it.

    1. Thank you very much millithorn. I have worked with an organization that helps human trafficked victims, so I tried to portray it real to life through the girl. Thanks for the comment and stopping by. 🙂

  2. Good one.I am also from Nepal.Proud to be Neplease. Please do visit my blog too as i am a beginner blogger and hope every love and support from you.I hope you will like it.Thank you

  3. I am so glad you decided to do a part two. The main character seems to be very perceptive and notices a lot of detail. I can’t wait to read what happens next.

    1. Ameena k.g, it means a lot that you remembered from the previous week. Thank you so much for your kind comments. I was just thinking I wonder what the picture will be for this week, and how I will be able to tie it all together. 🙂

  4. This hooked and kept my attention throughout! And it’s not just because I’m writing a kidnapping story. You’ve taken on a heavy yet significant topic (human trafficking). I feel for your MC and the other girls. Without water or food, they could’ve lasted about 3-5 days. Great choice in keeping that open for interpretation. I can’t wait to find out what happens next!!

    One question. It concerns this: “It is quiet now except for the two toddlers. Two women on the boat have become their surrogate mothers.”

    What do you mean by their surrogate mothers? SMs usually mean they’ve agreed to become pregnant and give birth on behalf of another woman, a man, or a couple. So did you mean surrogate, adoptive, substitute, guardians, or something else? That’s the only part that tripped me up.

    Even still, I love this piece and am glad to have the opportunity to read it! ❤

    1. Wow! Thanks so much for that detailed feedback. I chose surrogate because it means a person or thing that replaces or acts as. Some of the synonyms are fill-in, alternate, backup,etc….. Thanks for pointing it out. I am thinking about expanding these pieces. I started not to put the toddlers in their, but toddlers are kidnapped for human trafficking every day. The part about them being in shipping containers is based on real information that is out there. There are people who have been in them longer than three weeks. In the state where I live they are kidnapped, and shipped over seas. The younger they are the more they are worth.
      Thanks so much for stopping by, and sharing. <3<3

      1. It’s so sad. Human trafficking is . . . words can’t describe. I know the “trips” could last longer than 3 weeks, but 3 weeks without food and water??? Even without grubby food or water? I’m not sure about that. That’s why I figured this specific hellish trip was probably 3-5 days.

        I’m glad you put toddlers in the story. It definitely adds more trouble, heartbreak, and awareness. I look forward to reading more!

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